


we're crooked (but we're holding on)

by harrygasm



Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Louis, Cigarettes, Hand Jobs, Louis in Denial, M/M, Multi, Multiple times, Non-Graphic Violence, Punk!Larry, Punk!Louis, Sexual Tension, Sorry again, Sorry for the short chapters, Teasing, Top Harry, and I don't know how to change the completed option, and this is also my first time writing on here, but it's not completed at all, dog friendships, druggie harry, harry is a little too happy, harry makes louis happy though, harry tries to get clean, i'm not very good, louis doesn't know he has a crush on liam, louis doesn't know he's gay, louis has a lil crush on liam, louis is a lil sad, louis tries to stop selling drugs, okay so i'm a new writer here, pansexual!Harry, punk!harry, punk!larry au, rich!louis, slightly depressed Louis, so I apologize once again, until harry helps him figure it all out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6802849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrygasm/pseuds/harrygasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"baby we should've left our love in the gutter where we found it"</p><p>louis tomlinson, drug dealer. he's supposed to be straight, but his body doesn't care when a sexy brunette with a dick walks into his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 001

**Author's Note:**

> I own this whole story. all of it belongs to me, ideas and all. however, I don't own louis tomlinson, liam payne, harry styles or eleanor calder. although, I did create their personalities.
> 
> Everything I write is all my own ideas, anything that I write is something like others' books is pure coincidental. If my book is like something you've read, I'll do my best to change it once someone lets me know, and I apologize in advance.
> 
> WARNING: There is use of drugs and cigarettes. There is cursing, detailed sexual scenes, adult contact, and violence. If you are not comfortable with these sort of situations, I don't recommend you read this book.
> 
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which louis's lifestyle has yet to change

**"And in a pipe we fly to the Motherland" - Ed Sheeran _, The A Team_**

 

* * *

  
 

> I grabbed the collar of his shirt, lifted him up and slammed him against the brick wall. I growled lowly, “I gave you two days to give me the money. Guess what, it’s the third day! Where is my fucking money?”
> 
> “I have it in my pocket, let me just grab it okay?” He said, calmly. I dropped him on the floor, but I was still close enough to make sure he wouldn't go anywhere. He reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a stack of money rubber banded together. I grabbed the money, and took off the rubber band.
> 
> “Woah there, little boy; I need to make sure there’s two hundred fifty big ones.” I stated, counting the money as he tried to squirm from my alley. I blocked his way, getting to the last dollar bill.
> 
> As always, there was the right amount of money and I let him scamper out of my alley.
> 
> I turned out onto the sidewalk, pressing my money into my jacket pocket. I had to get back to Hercules, before Roger complains again. He always does that when Hercules is loud. I shouldn’t really blame him; Hercules is loud as fuck, but I'm not threatened by some stupid prick who can’t even get laid.
> 
> I was stopped by a women, and I looked up, meeting her dark brown eyes laced with eyeliner. Her sunken in cheeks stood out even more, and her lips were chapped, “Hey babe. What’s your fix?” I asked, lowly so that no one can hear me.
> 
> “I need two ounces. My friend wants some, and I need my own: heroin that is. Please, Lou. I’m dying.” She answered, her bloodshot eyes darting everywhere. I crossed my arms and leaned on my hip.
> 
> “I don’t know hun. You switched to, who was it again? T, I think? What happened to the meth he was supplying you with?” I asked, debating on whether or not I want to make a sale. She never failed to pay me on time, but then again she dropped me.
> 
> “He died; overdosed. Please Louis. It took me three days just to have the courage to talk to you about it. Please, my addiction is too strong. I need heroin.” Veronica said, shakily. She started to twiddle her thumbs and let out long breaths.
> 
> “Okay, okay tell you what. You give me the money first, and I’ll give you a couple of ounces or so. How much are you going to pay for?” I asked, annoyed at myself for letting myself slip. I didn’t even need the extra 200 dollars. Whatever, I’ll have rent for another month in a couple more sales.
> 
> “Two hundred fifty, I’ll have the money tomorrow, your alley, at 12 is that okay?” She asked. I scrunched my face up. I didn’t like when my clients negotiated with me. I had to call the shots. I didn’t like the time anyway; I’m not up until around one thirty anyway.
> 
> “No, no. I’m not up at twelve. I’ll give you another two hours. If I’m not there you know where to find me.” I stated talking about my apartment, than I walked away. I had two-hundred fifty dollars and I’m hungry for some pizza.
> 
> I turned into the pizza shop across from my apartment building, Whole Cheese Pizzeria, to pick up dinner for Liam, my roommate, and I tonight. I picked up a meat lovers special, with extra bacon. I know Liam will love this, and I would too. Bacon is my guilty pleasure, and Eleanor, my girlfriend, sadly knows that.
> 
> I thought back to those nights and shudder at the thought. I instantly scolded myself, because I love Eleanor; I shouldn’t be disgusted with my sex life. It’s not all bad, I love sex so getting laid daily really works for me.
> 
> My phone buzzed in my back pocket and I took it out, waiting for my number order to be called. I put the phone to my ear and sighed, asking quietly, “El, babe, are you high again?”
> 
> “Order 68?” The guy behind the counter shouted. I turned towards him and lifted two of my fingers. He gave me a stare, probably judging me by my tattoo sleeves and piercings shot through my skin. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the pizza box.
> 
> Staring directly into the judgmental man’s eyes, I said lowly, “Just because I have a few tattoos and piercings doesn’t mean I’m going to murder you and your family. Piss off.” Having already paid, I left as the anger in my body subsided.
> 
> I left the shop as the blaring July heat hit me, “Sorry El, just some judgmental prick at the pizza shop across from my place. He must be new, because literally everyone there knows me.” I said once at the stop light in front of the crosswalk.
> 
> I noticed a few side glares, and a dad pull his son back a little away from me and whisper something to him. I slipped him the finger by “scratching the side of my nose.” I heard him scoff, and start to say something, but the light turned into a green person; before he could say anything I was off, away from him.
> 
> I opened my apartment buildings door, and went right towards the elevator. Eleanor was ranting about something that I wasn’t listening to. I figured it was just some work shit—probably her being high on the job, and getting yelled at.
> 
> “Louis, are you even listening to me?” She proclaimed while I was stepping into the elevator, while waving to Roger, who just glared at me. I nodded my head, telling her of course—what every girl wanted to hear.
> 
> “Good, because I already told her you could.” Eleanor asked; I furrowed my eyebrows, but I already knew that she had a friend who wanted some drugs. I rolled my eyes, because I hated when Eleanor did this. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the money, but this was my business, it’s not an Eleanor and Louis drug selling partnership.
> 
> “Alright, love I will. Do you need anything?” I asked, stepping out of the elevator onto my floor. I put down my phone while she answered so I could use my key on the only door on the floor. Liam and I, both successful business men, can afford to rent out the penthouse, which was incredible.
> 
> I closed the door, after picking up my cell phone, and resting it between my shoulder and head. Claws pressed into my thighs, and I squatted a little to run my hand through Hercules’ fur.
> 
> “—So, yeah I was just wondering if I could come over?” Eleanor finally finished. I told her of course, but my stomach twisted into knots. She’s come over every single day for two weeks. I want some time alone.
> 
> I sighed loudly once we said our goodbyes, and I hung up. I put the pizza down on the kitchen counter. Going into my bedroom right after, I had to check to see if I had any condoms left in my nightstand by my bed. Luckily, I had one left, but I’d have to pick up another box tomorrow.
> 
> I left my bedroom and went next door to Liam’s. Barging in, I yelled, “Get up you lazy ass cunt. It’s dinner time ya maggot.” In reply, I earned a groan, so I picked up a pillow from the floor and jumped on the bed. I threw the grey-blue pillow and smacked it in his face; then I began to jump.
> 
> Liam groaned, and tried to smack me, but because of his sleepy nature, he was too weak and could barely lift his arm. He turned around while I was still jumping and opened his eyes, glaring at me. To give him the grand finale, I fell on top of him, earning a groan.
> 
> “Fuck! I was sleeping you know?” He groaned, his voice raspier and deeper than usual. I shrugged, and grabbed his biceps pulling him up out of his bed.
> 
> “Just let me sleep you dick.” Liam muttered, trying to fall back onto his bed. I let go of him, and left his room on a mission to get to the kitchen.
> 
> Once I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and turned on the faucet water. Once I let it get cold, I filled the glass to almost the brim. I made my way back to Liam’s room and crept quietly over to him.
> 
> “Oops.” I whispered, pouring the glass of cold water on Sleeping Beauty’s face, jolting him awake. He took a few deep breaths or two and cocked his head up to me.
> 
> Shaking his head, he whispered, “You fucking piece of dried up, used dildo. I was sleeping!” I just laughed, knowing that it would’ve worked.
> 
> Finally, Liam was able to get off his lazy ass and joined me into the kitchen. In just his black briefs, he walked out, scratching himself, “You’re going to eat with that hand?” I scrunched up my face, my stomach twisting in disgust.
> 
> “Yeah, and it's the same hand I masturbate with. Grow up; you do the same thing, asswipe.” Liam said, and I made a barfing noise. Liam flipped me off and opened up the pizza box.
> 
> “Yeah, but I wash my hands, unlike you, you crab cake.” I responded, grabbing a piece of the pizza, but dropping it back in the box once I felt the hot oil drip onto my fingers. I stuck my fingers in my mouth, licking off the oil.
> 
> “Ha! You doofus! Why didn’t you grab a fucking plate?” Liam yelled, already having two slices on a paper plate—the only type of plates we use nowadays. Neither one of us wants to do the dishes; fuck that shit.
> 
> “Because I’m not fucking smart, dipshit.” I stated, grabbing a plate from the stack on our counter. I placed my slice of pizza on my plate, my stomach growling.
> 
> “So, did Big finally give you your money?” Liam asked, after swallowing a piece of his meat lovers’ pizza, “Great choice on the extra bacon, by the way. I didn’t even know you were smart enough to order it.”
> 
> “Ha-ha, fuck you,” I replied dryly, “Yes, he did, after I had to lift him off his feet; such a cunt he is. I should stop doing business with him.” I shook my head, and then took a big bite out of my pizza.
> 
> “So, stop. If he’s so bad at paying you back, just stop.” Liam replied, finishing off one of his slices. I shrugged, getting where he was coming from, but I needed the money. I can’t just stop a business with someone anyway, especially in the drug business; I’d end up shot.
> 
> “I can’t—I need the money. Besides, I’d end up shot and killed off if I stopped giving him his fix,” I stated, shrugging. I finished off my pizza, just as a knock on the door sounded out. Liam raised his eyebrow at me, and I replied, “Eleanor.”
> 
> Liam nodded as I left to answer the door. She stood in an oversized, black Nirvana shirt, and skin tight black jeans. I saw a bandage wrapped around her wrist, which meant she got a new tattoo. I smiled at her as she walked past me into my apartment.
> 
> “New tat? What is it?” I asked, following her, after closing the door that is. She turned into the kitchen, greeting Liam before she turned back around, leaning against my marble counter.
> 
> “Um, it’s like a smiley face, but the eyes are one big x and the smile is made of dashes,” Eleanor said, grabbing her black beanie and putting it next to the pizza box, “Can I have a slice, babe?” I nodded my head and watched her grab a piece of pizza.
> 
> “Ew, you got meat lovers?” Eleanor questioned, dropping her pizza back on the cardboard, “You know I don’t like meat.” I rolled my eyes behind her. Eleanor was a vegetarian, and sometimes that shit can get annoying as fuck.
> 
> “If it counts—which it probably doesn’t—I got your call literally right after I ordered the pizza. So, it’s not like I could change my order. Sorry, babe, but I think I have some pasta if you want to make it.” I answered, pulling her from behind and resting my head on her chin. I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her loosely.
> 
> “Aw, look at the cute couple, excuse me while I puke—of happiness and glee of course.” Liam stated dryly, dropping his crust of pizza on the floor for Hercules to eat. He gobbled it up, and I went to scold Liam for feeding him people food, but Eleanor started talking.
> 
> “That’s what I do when I see you eating an innocent cow. Maybe, we should do it together!” Eleanor exclaimed, sarcasm leaking through her words. I laughed and kissed her neck, choosing her side over Liam’s; then again, I don’t like Liam.
> 
> “You bring Lewis over there, and I’ll bring the cow. Let’s go, the bathroom is open.” Liam shot back, taking a piece of pepperoni and slipping into his mouth. Eleanor turned away, and I could feel the disgust radiating off of her.
> 
> “You wanna leave the kitchen, babe? The balcony has some fresh air I hear.” I stated, whispering in her ear. She nodded, and I let go of her. I took off the vest I was wearing and threw it on the counter. I slipped my hand into Eleanor’s and pulled her out and onto the balcony.
> 
> She sat down on one of the chairs, and I took the other. We stared off into the dimming light of Chicago, enjoying the comfortable silence. After about two minutes, Eleanor spoke up, “So, did you hear about that meth dealer, T?”
> 
> I nodded my head, replying, “Yeah, he died; overdose. An old client of mine came back begging me to be her dealer again. I should feel bad for saying it, but she’s going to die soon.” I looked over at Eleanor as she looked back on me, questioning on her face.
> 
> “Who? Why do you say that?” She questioned, tilting her head a little bit, letting me know that this was genuine curiosity and not her scolding me for being rude.
> 
> “Veronica Finch; her face was all sunken in, she had bloodshot eyes, and she couldn’t keep still. Of course, it’ll be sad; death isn’t a joke, but it’s not like it’s anyone’s fault but her own, I guess.
> 
> She chose to do drugs in the first place. I don’t know.” I stated, shrugging letting my mind wander.
> 
> “Well, I mean it makes sense." Eleanor stated, grabbing my hand and squeezing a little bit. I looked at her, and in the light she looked absolutely breathtaking. I love Eleanor, I do. I just don’t like having sex with her; I don’t feel any sexual attraction towards her. But, I love being with her; she likes to have fun, and she and I make fun of Liam together; and she is a good kisser. The only problem is sex.
> 
> “Hey, Louis? Sorry to interrupt you, but did you know?” Liam asked, coming out onto the balcony. I turned my attention to Liam, and gave him a questioning glare. I have no clue what he was up to this time, but I really don’t want to get into it right now.
> 
> “Know what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Liam handed me the money I got today, and I examined it. I saw nothing wrong with it, but I wasn’t in the mood for any of Liam’s games. Liam rolled his eyes and ripped my money out of my hands.
> 
> “You know for a drug dealer, you’re not very good at pointing out when money is fake.” Liam stated, and I jumped up grabbing the money. How the fuck can this happen? Who the fuck does this cunt think he is; giving me fake fucking money?
> 
> “What the fuck? How can you tell?” I asked, looking at the dollar bills, not noticing anything off. Eleanor joined in by my side, looking at the money. I glanced up at Liam, fuming. I wanted to kill Big. He gave me fake fucking money. I can’t believe he was fucking stupid enough to do that.
> 
> I walked back into the penthouse, grabbing back the fake money with me, without waiting for Liam’s reply. I slipped the cash into my back pocket and slammed the patio door shut, shaking a few items hanging on the walls. I needed to teach this fucker a lesson. I wasn’t going to let him get away with paying me off with fake fucking money.
> 
> My blood was boiling and I clenched and unclenched my fists. I swallowed thickly, my rage burning, and my stomach churned into anger. Hopefully, I’ll put this piece of donkey come in the hospital.


	2. 002

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis doesn't feel at home

**“Cause we are who we are when no one’s watching” _–_ Zayn Malik, _I Won’t Mind_**

 

* * *

 

“You think that you can give me fucking _fake ass_ money? You thought you could get away with it, didn’t you? You’re a fucking piece of shit! You’re nothing but trash! I risk my ass every day to supply you with some fucking plants that destroy you, and you have the nerve to shove fake money in my hand?” I grunted quietly so no one could hear me.

I threw Big to the ground and kicked him in the gut, my rage only rising. I kneeled down and climbed on top of him. I grabbed his shoulder and swung his body around, so he was lying on his back. I began punching him in the face. He tried to punch back, but from the abuse of drugs and the amount of beating he’s gotten, he was too weak to pick his hand up to fight back.

“You are trash. You’re fucking trash,” I punched him the face one last time before getting up, looking at his bloody, swollen face, “I expect real money, by tomorrow. And, I’m cutting you off.” I spit on him, and left the alley, wiping his blood on my black t-shirt.

I walk down the street, satisfied. I couldn’t let that go unnoticed. Drug dealing, as illegal as it is, it’s still a business; no business likes fake money. Although, us dealers take care of it differently, but I think it works more efficiently anyway.

I noticed some people giving me weird stares, and I looked down at my knuckles, noticing the blood inching down my fingers, and dripping onto the pavement below me. I shoved my hands into my pocket and walked briskly down the road, with my head tilted down.

I bumped into someone’s shoulder, mumbled a sorry and continued walking, worrying that someone with a gun was going to come and kill me. I knew Big wouldn’t even be able to get up without help, but some of his gang members could come and kill me.

I walked briskly away, hoping to get away quicker. I crossed the busy streets and bumped into Liam walking Hercules. “What the fuck are you doing with my dog?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow at him. Liam just rolled his eyes, and handed me the red and black leash.

“He needed to take a piss, Jesus. What happened with Big?” Liam replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I ran my free hand through my hair and glanced back at the alley I beat him up in.

“Beat him up; he deserved it. Then I cut him off.” I replied, shrugging my shoulder, my thoughts on something else right now. I looked up at Liam, who shrugged his shoulders. I picked up Hercules and started to bring him into my apartment complex. I wanted to clean up my knuckles and take a nap.

From behind me, Liam pushes me and I stumble into the complex and almost drop Hercules. Liam starts laughing his ass off and I caress my dog who is now scared shitless and if he didn’t just piss, he would’ve in my arms.

“You stupid little fuck nugget, you scared the crap outta my dog!” I scolded, stopping short and turning towards Liam, who was still laughing his ass off. My stomach jumped, and I couldn’t stay mad, so I just smiled and stared at the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed.

The turd quieted down, only after we were confined in the elevator, “Anyway, did you leave El in the apartment, why didn’t she come with you?” I asked, once the elevator reached the top floor and let us out. I rubbed my face while still holding Hercules. I was tired, and frustrated with the way things played out today.

“No need to fret, Lou, she won’t steal anything. If anything, toothpaste and your toothbrush.” Liam said poking my side and making me squirm. I slapped his shoulder, and then pulled out my key to the apartment. I opened the door and put Hercules down. He ran away to his food bowl, finishing up the pizza he never finished.

“That’s honestly disgusting don’t joke about that.” I stated, shaking my head and walking into the kitchen for another slice of the pizza. I just need to take my mind off fake money, and girlfriends, and drugs, and just everything. The exhaustion set in and even though it was only seven thirty, I was done for the day. As I remembered Eleanor was over, I knew my day was not over yet.

“Hey, your tongue has been in her vagina, she’ll just be tasting herself.” Liam stated, shrugging with a smug grin etching onto his face. I spit out my chewed up pizza onto the plate, choking myself in the process. I took a few gulps from my water that was on the table and sighed heavily.

“Liam, what the fuck?” I asked, shaking my head with a look of disgust on my face. Liam started to crack up, bending over to hold his stomach. I pushed myself off the counter and threw away my trash. Sighing, I grabbed what was left of the pizza and walked into my room.

I wanted to fall onto my bed and sleep forever. Honestly, I was tired of everything. Instead of being able to go to bed like I wanted, Eleanor greeted me in her black lingerie. Eleanor sent me a flirty wink, while twirling her finger through her hair. Keeping back my sigh, I joined Eleanor on my bed.

A few fake orgasms and hours later, I lit a cigarette while Eleanor slept with her head on my chest. Closing my eyes, and rubbing my face, feelings I only feel this late at night resurfaced. Staring up at the ceiling, I took a long drag, trying to forget what I was feeling. But, it was more impossible then imagined.

I finished off my cigarette, and crushed it in the ashtray on my nightstand. I closed my eyes, and did my best to go to bed, but my thoughts were racing. Slinking my way out of the bed, I slipped on a pair of boxers and left my room. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and walked out onto the balcony. The stars in the night sky were lighting up Chicago, which rarely ever happens, because of all the smog. A small smile spread on my face as every single worry of mine fell from my very existence. I leaned against the railing, feeling the night breeze fly against my skin in an absolute bliss.

For the next hour I stood there, enjoying the view and watching Chicago’s nightlife pass by. Across the street from me, I saw the darkened pizza place. The one main reason I love this apartment, is because of the convenience right there. Living with a pizza lover, and being one myself, it’s always just easier to pick up pizza for dinner, and lunch. Other than my job, and girlfriend, Chicago is great. And even when I banter with Liam, I still love him like a brother. He’s the closest thing to a brother I have. But, yet even with the setting, and the familiarity of Chicago, I just don’t feel at home. There’s something missing about this place. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m part of the high crime rate of this city, or that if I were to ever turn to Liam to actually speak like _true_ best friends, he’d laugh and tell me to not be such a pussy.

I love Liam, and Eleanor is a great friend, I guess, not really. But, not being able to actually be like friends, and talk with Liam, is just upsetting. This place doesn’t feel like I belong. I’ve always struggled with where I was going, what I should be doing. I don’t want to be here forever. I don’t want to sell drugs forever. I want to reach true happiness, and that’s just not possible here. It’s hard having to wake up every day, knowing at the end of it, there will be blood on my hands. I’m tired of having to hide my face, and hide what I’m feeling daily from the people who supposedly love me. All I knew was that I was done for the day. I didn’t want to think anymore. I walked back inside my apartment, placing my second empty beer bottle that I’d taken only a half hour ago, on the counter. After that, I rejoined Eleanor on my bed and took the plunge into darkness.

Waking up from a freakish erotic nightmare, I sat up from my bed and rubbed my eyes, hoping to forget what I dreamed about. Hopefully, my subconscious will forget I ever had that dream. Standing up, I left my bedroom after stuffing on a black t-shirt, which ended up being Eleanor’s from last night.

I glanced over, seeing Eleanor and Liam in the living room, where Eleanor sat only in her panties and my black t-shirt from last night. They were watching some cartoon I couldn’t see at this angle. I joined the pair on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal. Eleanor turned to me and kissed me on the cheek, snuggling into me, which pissed me off. _Ah yes, my anger has returned, what else is new?_ It’s not that I don’t mind being pressed into another body in the searing July heat, I’m trying to eat cereal for fuck’s sake!

“Where were you last night? I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were gone?” Eleanor asked pressing her hand on my thigh, which made me slightly uncomfortable. I turned my attention off my every growing hatred for her. I have no clue what’s going on with me. I feel like I should—do love her, but there’s something that’s off about her—or me? I don’t know.

“I went out for a smoke.” I replied, still feeling conflicted on what I was feeling. Eleanor’s gorgeous, and kind and funny. She cares about so many people, and it’s fucking hilarious how we ended up dating, because I’m just the complete opposite. People say opposites attract, but it’s like we’re jigsaw puzzles that don’t fit together at all. Honestly though, it would just be weird without her hanging around, bantering with Liam. And Hercules absolutely adores Eleanor, so why should anything change?

“Without me?” Eleanor joked, a smile spread across her face, slight crinkles appearing by her eyes. I really did admire her, and she has a promising future ahead of her. I forced a smile back at her, to make sure it seemed as if I found her joke funny.

“Aw babe, you just looked so beautiful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you. You looked like an angel.” I replied, making Eleanor smile bigger, and her crinkles thicker. She turned back to the television, laying her head on my shoulder, allowing me to finish my cereal.

“Alright, I have to head out,” I announced, noticing the time, “I’m about to make a deal with some druggie. Douche, can you feed Hercules? I’ll give you a dollar?” I turned to Liam, giving him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster up. He flipped me off, and turned back to the TV.

Before leaving, I made sure to give Hercules some food. I left the apartment and into my car. I usually don’t use the car, but when I have to harvest my business items, I need to take my car to the outskirts of Chicago, where I keep my supplies. Trying my hardest to not get distracted by thoughts of last night, and my dream, it was useless. My thoughts on those topics—Chicago and my friends and future—I usually keep to nighttime, however they wouldn’t go away this afternoon. In all honesty, they seem to make me peaceful in some strange way, like I’m not totally alone. Which I’m not, but it always feels like I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for short chapters
> 
> Also, I would like to say I do not plan on romanticizing depression in any way, because it's a real mental illness that doesn't get fixed with a pretty person. Louis just doesn't feel at home, essentially, and he loves Liam, but he doesn't want to live the way he is forever. Basically, Louis is just a little sad in the setting he is, but he doesn't have clinical depression. I just wanted to bring that up because with the way I described it, it may seem like I'm going to romanticize depression, but I would never do that so I just want to clear that up.


	3. 003

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis makes a promise he can't keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just would like to say that the songs lyrics I put at the beginning of the chapters, it's usually that one or two lines that I write down that goes along with the chapter unless I say otherwise. This chapter is a great example because the line I put down is from Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran, but the actual song meaning does not go with the book at this point.
> 
> Also on the topic of songs, every song I put down is from a playlist I created that will go with Harry's and Louis's relationships, but some of the songs only have a line that goes with the chapter.

**“I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet” _–_ Ed Sheeran, _Kiss Me_**

 

* * *

 

“Alright babe,” I said, opening my jacket to show Veronica, and her friend Ditty, the amount of heroin I brought, “In total, I have a couple ounces worth, so how much are you willing to pay?” I closed my jacket briskly and cocked my head to the side. I honestly just want to get this transaction done as fast as I can; I’ll take anything.

“On me right now, I have one twenty.” Veronica said, showing me the money. I nodded and took out six ounces of heroin. I took the money as I placed the bags on her hand. Slipping Veronica’s money in my pocket, I turned to Ditty who was searching through her wallet for whatever type of money she had.

“How much does one cost?” Ditty asked, looking up at me. She was attractive, honestly, but didn’t capture my attention as much. She had full, round cheeks with a round nose sitting on top of full lips. Her brown eyes were glossed over and there were no circles under her eyes. If she’s ever done any type of drug, but due to the question, she probably hasn’t, it would’ve only been just once. Her face was full, and there was no wear and tear.

“One what? If you’re talking ounce, twenty, but I could sell an individual bag for twelve.” I answered, leaning against the brick wall behind me. The one thing I hate about new comers was that there was so much doubt, and questions. They came here for a reason; whether depression, rebellion, experiments, just fucking pay and go do your thing. I don’t have time for your hesitation.

“I have fifteen.” Ditty responded, showing me her money. I bit my lip, closing my eyes. I opened my eyes, looking back at her and clapped sarcastically.

“Congrats. Y’wanna bag, or am I just wasting my time here? I have a life you know shithead.” I snapped, my everlasting anger rising. I squeezed my hands into fists and stuffed my hands into my jacket pocket to keep control. I wanted to keep this short and simple, but no. This fucking kumquat is tying up my free time. Granted, I only ever have free time, I usually spend it teasing Liam and trying to avoid Eleanor, which is always useless.

“No need to be rude,” Ditty replied, annoyance taking over her features, turning to Veronica, Ditty continued, “Ronnie, what do you think? I know you like how it feels, but I’m not sure if I need it, or even wanna experiment with it.” Rolling my eyes, I pulled out my phone and opened up some random game I downloaded, probably when I was drunk.

“Dude, just pay, who cares? I’m dying over here, can you just pay and we can go?” Veronica replied, herself getting as annoyed with Ditty as myself. I started to tune out the conversation as it bored me. When I was finally getting somewhere in my game, the two fuckheads started yelling at each other, making me jump too soon and lose the game.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled myself, startling the two girls. I started to curse them out, but I stopped myself, “Listen, Ditty, if you’re doing this because Veronica wants you to do it, don’t. Heroin is highly addictive and you will destroy your life. You wanna buy some to feel good? Try marijuana first. I promise that helps, and even though it’s a gateway drug it not nearly as addictive. You wanna know what you should do? You _both_ should stop yelling for fuck’s sake. Ditty, stop listening to your friend, and listen to yourself. Do you wanna go down this road? Do you wanna buy heroin or do you not? I also have an ounce of weed if you wanna try that out first because you feel bad all the time, and I’ll spring that for twelve dollars. And also alcohol works very, _very_ well.”

“C’mon Ditty, do it with me. It’s really not that bad.” Veronica stated about a minute after my outburst. Ditty and Veronica shared a glance, and from my angle, it looked as if Veronica was giving Ditty the puppy dog eyes. I ran my fingers though my hair, trying to keep calm. I had enough of this pointless conversation. I’m pretty sure I have a full blown beard by now.

Finally after what seemed to be _forever_ , Ditty turned to me sighing, “I’ll take that marijuana deal you told me about.” Rolling my eyes, and making a praying sign to the sky as if to say hallelujah, I took out one of the bags of marijuana I made sure to grab while I was at my “farm.”

Ditty handed me the money, and the two girls were off. _Fucking finally_ , I thought to myself. Before going back home, I figured I’d have a smoke. Pulling out my pack of cigarettes, I grabbed the last one in it. As I lit the cigarette, I threw the pack on the ground, along with the other trash on the ground.

Sighing, I let the drags from the cigarette slow my thinking down as I relaxed in the feeling of nicotine entering my body after such a stressful event. As I stood against the brick wall in silence, my mind began to wonder over various topics. Soon enough, I started to think about how I wanted to leave Chicago, but I shoved that way deep inside of me. I’m not supposed to want to move, or change. Who would want change anyway when you can have the same thing every day?

I finished my cigarette and threw it on the ground, pressing what was left of the cigarette into the ground. Just as I was about to leave, Eleanor popped around the corner, scaring the shit out of me, “Fuckin’ hell, El! Holy shit,” I grabbed my chest, hoping to calm my pumping heart as Eleanor’s laugh rang out through the alley, “Why the jump scare?”

“I was bored spending time with Liam. Besides it’s not as fun there when you two aren’t picking on each other.” Eleanor said, cuddling up against my side. I wrapped my arm around her on instinct and listened to her begin to explain even more of why she came all the way down here. After a while, the noises she was making became dimmer as my thoughts began finding their way in. I tried to pay attention, like I used to be able to, put it was just not an interesting story.

I started to think about when we first got together, and everything was actually perfect. When Eleanor and I first met, I felt more than just a “friendship” attraction for her. I actually felt like something could work with her, and I wanted to sweep her off her feet. But, somewhere along our three year relationship my interest in her started growing less and less. Honestly, I don’t even know if it was romantic attraction, for all I knew it was really just a “friend crush.” Nevertheless, I obviously didn't confuse or did confuse the two and went for it anyway.

I don’t even remember when I first started to dislike Eleanor. It wasn't that everything she did annoyed the fuck out of me when we first started dating, she used to interest me. We used to do many things together, and I think maybe we could’ve been in love. But, suddenly it’s was like there was nothing good about her. Still to this day I cannot spend more than five seconds without tuning her out, or her pissing me off. And I don’t do anything about it, because why should things change?

“Lou-Boo, babe, are you listening to me?” Eleanor asked, rubbing my chest, bringing me back to reality. I nodded, but that didn’t convince her, “No you weren’t. You usually always do. Are you okay? Is everything okay? You can talk to me y’know.” I nodded, trying to get her to shut up, but she kept begging me to answer her.

“It’s just the stress of the job, and the potential of being caught,” I answered, half lying. What I said was true, however that wasn’t the reason I wasn’t listening to her, obviously, “It takes its toll, y’know? Here how’s this, to make it up to you, I’ll take you out to a really fancy and expensive place and we’ll get all dressed up in fancy clothes? My treat, yeah?”

Eleanor smiled hugely at me, “Really? That’s amazing! Yeah, that sounds great!” I honestly did not want to take her out tonight; I did _not_ want to spend that much money. Why couldn’t I have suggested bowling? She loves bowling! Fuck me.

“I’ll pick you up at seven.” I replied, mimicking her smile. Eleanor nodded, and said she’d go buy a new dress and then get ready. We kissed each other and she left, skipping around the corner. I started to smile a very small smile once she was gone. I don’t want to spend that much money, but it’s always nice to make someone that happy, despite my growing hate for her.

I pushed myself off the wall and started towards the corner that would lead to the alley with a clear street view. The alley I have taken as my own is in between the back of two buildings, no street in sight. It’s honestly great, because I don’t have to worry about people seeing my illegal job.

Before I was able to even take two steps from where I stood, a sharp pain shuddered through my side. Looking down, I saw the tip of a blade disappear from where it pierced in the first place. I swung around and punched the person responsible for my injury. Whatever their name was fell right to the floor. Acting quickly I grabbed their shoulder and whipped them on their side. I punched the person’s face twice, before they were able to lift their hand up and punch me right in my ear.

The ringing in my ear distracted me from the task at hand which made it easier for the person I was fighting to swing me off them and onto the ground below us. With the stab wound, ringing in my ear, and now the wind knocked out of me, I had to bounce back before they got the hold of me.

The knife came down at me, but I moved my head at the right moment, and the knife hit the ground instead of my face. I took the opportunity to grab my attackers wrist and slammed their hand against the ground until they dropped the knife. When they did, I grabbed the knife, and held it point up at them.

“Who the _fuck_ do you think you are cunt wagon?” I spat as my attacker stopped any type of assault. The person swept their long hair from their eyes. As my vision began to become a little fuzzy, and the pain of the stab finally caught up to me, the sun dipped onto the man’s face, capturing his bright green eyes. I’m ninety-nine percent sure the reason my stomach did fifty fucking backflips when I met his gaze was the fact that I had just been stabbed for fuck’s sake, “You have  really pretty green eyes.”

“Are you fucking mad? I just stabbed you.” The man said. I have no clue who he is, I’ve never seen him before, but if he knows where to find me, he’s probably in some sort of gang. I can't keep up with the countless members, and gangs in general. It's just too much of a hassle.

“Maybe I’m mad because of all this blood loss. Why the fuck—“ I began to say, but the drowsiness I felt began to kick in. What the fuck did he cut inside of me?

“I’m sorry. I was asked to kill you because of what you did to Big. Believe me, I did not want to kill you, but if I didn’t, they said they’d kill me. I’m not a murderer.” He replied, climbing off of me and offering a hand. A really fucking big hand.

“You’ve got big fucking hands,” I stated, grabbing his hand. He wrapped his jacket, that he took off before giving me a hand, around my stab wound. As I whimpered at the sudden pressure, the man wrapped my arm around his neck for a crutch, however since he was a lot taller than me, it wasn’t much help. Noticing the height gap, the mystery man picked me up bridal style, trying to keep my pain to a bare minimal, failing miserably.

“I’m really sorry. Look, I joined this gang because my brother was in it, and I just wanted to make sure he didn’t get in too much trouble. I couldn’t leave because they wouldn’t be able to trust me, what if I told the police? Anyway, they wanted me to kill you to teach you a lesson about killing Big.” The man babbled on, but I couldn’t pay attention much as blood was still pouring from the rip in my skin.

“I didn’t kill Big,” I mumbled, completely delirious from blood loss. The man, who was smart enough to walk through the connecting allies of Chicago instead of the major roads with people there, “He gave me fake money, I need to make money, I had to teach him not to fuck with me.

“Big not’s dead, he _almost_ was on the brink of death, he had to go to the hospital.” The man replied. I should be mad at him; I mean I am, so why am I accepting his help? I hadn’t accepted his apology; nah fuck him, he stabbed me. Although, this is the only way I’m getting home. I wouldn't be able to walk home without causes a stir because of the massive amounts of blood that are pooling out of me.

“Where do you live?” The man asked, stopping for a minute.

“I live in the penthouse in the apartment complex across from um,” It took me a minute to remember the pizza place as I started to dip into unconsciousness. Finally, as if a light bulb went off in my head, I continued, “Whole Cheese Pizzeria.”

“Okay, it’s just two buildings away, we’ll be there soon,” The man replied. I believe I asked him for his name, because he suddenly said, “The name's Harry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize for short chapters. I hope now that the pair met, I will write longer chapters, and get more into depth with Louis's thoughts.
> 
> Also I apologize for any grammar I misused or misspellings. I usually write these chapters late at nights, and when reading them things sound right when they don't. (I do edit them in the morning, but I'm putting it out there now)


	4. 004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis gets a new assistant

**“Change will come” –Fall Out Boy, _(Coffee’s For Closers)_**

 

* * *

 

****

“Oh my God, Louis!” I heard someone shriek. It was faint though. The person who spoke sounded familiar, but I can’t really make out anything at this moment. The voice continued, “Get away from him you irrational fucker!” Suddenly I felt a touch somewhere, but I couldn’t figure out where they touched me or who.

“Look miss, I apologized, and I explained it was a misunderstanding,” A man said somewhere. The other voice started to yell, but the man interrupted, “Hey! It was either I die or him, just be glad it wasn’t either of us. You know I’m going to die because of not killing him, so _please_ shut the fuck up.”

“Don’t tell me to shut the fuck up, I didn’t stab an innocent man!” The voice shot back, and I heard a scoff. I tried to do something other than listen, but it seemed as if I was lost in an abyss, “Don’t fucking roll your eyes at me cocksucker.”

“Innocent? Hun I don’t know where you’ve been, but he is _far_ from innocent. He’ll be selling drugs down in Hell, and you know it.” The man replied, a little farther from me I believe. I can’t seem to comprehend anything at this moment, but it seemed as if I was regaining a little of my senses.

“Calm down, both of you. Honestly, Louis’ll get to decide which side he’s on. I suggest buttering him up with some pizza and FIFA first.” A different man stated, and I recognized that voice as Liam’s. I groaned a little bit to get Liam’s attention, because after all I trust him the most with shit.

“Louis? Baby?” I heard the female voice say, and as I regained consciousness, I remembered it was Eleanor. After what seemed to be a while, I opened my eyes to see a blurry face in front of me. After blinking a few times, Eleanor came into view, “Oh, Lou-Boo I’m so glad you’re awake.”

Eleanor leaned down and lightly pressed her lips to mine. Since I had just awakened, I had not kissed her back, but she seemed to not notice; I guess she was just too happy to see me awake. I decided to test out my voice after I don’t know how many hours of sleep, “El?”

“I’m right here, Lou.” She replied, and slid her hand into mine. I looked around to see Liam walking closer to the two of us, and standing awkwardly by the doors leading to the balcony was the man who stabbed me. I believe he said his name was Harold? I don’t quite remember.

“How you feeling?” Liam questioned, kneeling down next to Eleanor, blocking most of my view from Harold. I attempted to shrug my shoulders, but that sent a burst of pain all over my torso. Groaning, I moved my free hand to my wound, “I’m guessing in pain.” At that sentence, Eleanor turned and shot a deadly glare towards Harold.

“Not worth it.” I muttered to Eleanor to get her off his back. I don’t know why I’m protecting the man who fucking stabbed me, but I didn’t want to see him at the end of anyone’s knife, metaphorically or physically. Even if he managed to stab me, he still gave off this pleasant, innocent charm to him. He reminded me of a baby bear trying to be like his mama bear, all tough and stuff, “How bad was the stab?”

“Well, I’m no expert but it didn’t go in that deep, just enough that you need stitches. Luckily for Eleanor and her sewing class in high school, she gave you her very own homemade stitches.” Liam explained, giving me a small smile at the end of the sentence.

“Okay, well this is gross. I don’t need your pity,” I stated, feeling oddly uncomfortable. Looking the best I could at Harold, I said, “Can I speak to him alone please? He’s not a fucking wild animal or something.” Liam and Eleanor shared uneasy looks, but let me speak to my stabber in peace.

“I’m so sorry for stabbing you,” Harold said once Liam and Eleanor were on the balcony, safe from hearing distance, “Do you remember what I said yesterday? Or no? I’ll explain it again.” I don’t know what I should say. I honestly can’t be mad at him for some _strange_ reason. On some level, I am, but it’s not like he killed me. I just have no clue if I should stick to my reputation or let my guard down.

“Nah, I remember what you said,” I replied, talking slow, “I get why you did it; it was either you or me. In your situation I would’ve done the same thing. However, you did fucking stab me, so I will put you in your grave if I see you again after today. My suggestion, you get outta town quick.”

“I know, but I can’t. This town,” Harold trailed off, “Anyway, I better leave and face my death am I right? Bye.” And with that, the man was off. Something in my gut told me that I couldn’t let him leave. I knew what Big’s gang could do, and he only joined to keep his sister—brother?—safe, it wasn’t right to let him leave.

“Wait,” I called out. He turned back around and stared at me, “You don’t deserve to die okay? As mad as I am, you can see even with Big I don’t want any death tolls on my hands. If you want, I can let you stay here while I figure something out with Big. Maybe if I start to deal with him again, he will let you live. Let me just see what I can do, but if you want you can hide out here.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.” Harold replied, and I rolled my eyes.

“Alright bye.” I replied, looking away from him. Since I couldn’t move or anything, that was my way of telling him to leave. It’s pretty clever I know. Right now I can’t really do anything anyway. Wait, who the fuck is gonna feed me and help me to the bathroom? Liam’s at work all week. Crap. Sighing, very loudly, I continued, “If you’re still here, I’ll need some assistance with my daily activities. If you help me while Liam’s at work, you won’t have to pay rent.”

“I would’ve had to pay rent?” The man spoke up after a moment of silence, “I thought it would’ve been witness protection program.” I smiled a bit at his joke.

“Fuck yeah you stabbed me!” I replied, looking at him with a slight smirk on my face. Harold nodded and took a seat on my other couch, “So, we gonna do this? It’ll be like a sitcom, Three and a Half Men? Or even The Odd Couple?”

Harold laughed and replied, “Totally. Do you want me to get the other two? Eleanor and Liam?” I nodded, and Harold got up to get the two.

Once her got up, I remember him saying he joined the gang to keep his brother safe. If he was here, what would his brother do? Out of curiosity, I asked “Hey, Harold? What about your brother? Don’t you need to watch him?” I asked, and he stopped short. He was silent for the longest time. If I were to drop a pin, it was sure to echo.

After a few more seconds, Harry spun around, saying, “Harold? Where’d you get that from? The name’s Harry, it’s not short for anything.” He turned around and went out the balcony, calling the two in. Feeling a slight embarrassment for calling Harry the wrong name, it was taken over by confusion. Why didn’t he answer my actual question?

My thoughts were quickly washed away when Eleanor came over and took my hand again. She looked down at me as if I were a lost puppy. As always, the anger that was always there, began to make a comeback. Whispering, Eleanor said, “How’d it go? What are you gonna do about him? He hurt you baby.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine. We worked out an agreement.” I replied, getting ready to continue before Eleanor shot around and marched up to Harry, who was still sitting on the couch. In one quick motion, she punched him right in the stomach, causing Harry to grab his stomach in pain, and groan loudly.

“What the fuck do you have over him? The _real_ Louis wouldn’t let some lowlife get away with this? Did you hold a gun to is head, or threatened to finish the job?” Eleanor questioned Harry. I attempted to get up, but Liam stopped me, telling me I could tear the stitches.

“Look, Louis was the one who dished it out, I just agreed,” Harry said, lifting himself up from his curled over position, back onto the couch, “You haven’t even heard the agreement anyway. Honestly, I don’t really care how mad you are at me. What matters to me is how I deal with the guilt? And you know how I feel right now? Pretty damn good.”

Eleanor, fuming, attempted to slap Harry, but he grabbed her wrist before she could get the chance. After a stare down, Liam piped up, “Please stop the arguing, and the violence. Eleanor, I know you love Louis, but at the end of the day, it’s Louis’s choice whether or not to forgive Harry. And Harry, you don’t have to be so cocky. Eleanor is just trying to do what’s best for the man she loves.”

Rolling her eyes, Eleanor turned her back to Harry and sat on the floor in front of me, “What’s this stupid ass agreement?” Harry motioned for me to explain, and I looked between Eleanor and Liam. Hopefully, Liam won’t be too mad about our new guest.

“ _Well_ , since Harry did not kill me, Clamp and Bulldog will probably be after Harry to teach him not to fuck around with Big. So until I work something out with Big, so he doesn’t kill Harry, he’ll be hiding, or well living, in our apartment. Also, in exchange for rent he will be giving me his labor, since I will most likely be bedridden until I will be able to move without hurting myself even more. Since you, Liam, will be out working during the week, I need someone to feed me, and help me to the bathroom. Harry will be doing that.” I explained, watching closely at their reaction.

“Seems reasonable, I guess. I say he should help pay rent.” Liam spoke up, averting his gaze from Harry and looking at me. Before speaking up about my disagreement with Liam, I motioned for Eleanor to share her opinion. Granted, I didn’t quite care for it, since she didn’t live here.

“I don’t see why _we_ have to protect this weasel. He’s an attempted murderer, we shouldn’t be housing him. I say we let him go and feed him to Clamp and Bulldog. Who cares what happens to him? He’s just another criminal.” Eleanor replied, most likely glaring at Harry.

“Hey now,” I stated, “I sell drugs, are you saying that’s not a crime? And we’ve all smoked a joint one time or another, we’re all criminals.” Harry twiddled his thumbs, and was about to speak before Eleanor shared a different opinion about our current situation. As much as I didn't care for her opinion, it bothered me how she's so against this. It's my choice whether or not I wanted his help or not. I chose to forgive him, because I would've done the exact same thing.

“What if this is just a plan? What if this incompetent dimwit isn’t so dumb? What if his whole story of the wrong crowd for family is a lie, and when you trust him with his assistance he’ll smother you with a pillow, or poison you, or he stabs you? I don’t want to put my trust in this maggot. Y’know he probably just made this brother shit story up.”

“Don’t talk about my brother like that you fucking bitch!” Harry shouted, standing up in anger, “Why the fuck would I have any pleasure in having any blood on my hands? And how the fuck would I have known Louis would invite me into his house to help him out so I could get away from Big? If I didn’t kill Louis fully, he would’ve killed me. You’re probably even stupider than I am!”

“Don’t insult my intelligence asshole! I’m just thinking thoroughly! We don’t even know you, who knows what your saying is even true! You _are_ in a gang!” Eleanor shouted, standing up herself. I grabbed her wrist, holding her back.

“Okay stop it you two for fuck’s sake!” I shouted, “Stereotyping Harry and spitting it in his face is like saying just because we all have tattoos and piercings everywhere we are not good people. I would think you, Eleanor, should try to be the least bit considerate because of everything you went through.”

Eleanor took a deep breath and stated, “Fine, I’m leaving. But if he attempts to murder you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” With that, Eleanor stormed out of my apartment. Liam and I shared a look, and he just shrugged.

“Sorry for her words, she can be a bit of a hothead, but she just cares for me, y’know? She doesn’t wanna see me dead,” I apologized to Harry, “And sorry about what she said about your brother. I’m sure you two are very close, and to hear someone speak of him like that, it’s got to be tough.”

“No big deal,” Harry muttered, “Anyway, I would fully love to pay rent, but I’m kind of out of a job here and I don’t really have any money. So, Liam if you don’t want me staying here without any rent, I’ll leave its fine.”

“Well, Louis will need a little help for the next couple of days, so it’s all good. Full stay here, no rent needed. Besides the both of us combined, we have enough money to pay off the next three months.” Liam replied, sitting down next to Harry on one of our couches.

“So, what shows can we settle on?” Liam asked, turning on the TV. I tuned out whatever Harry had said. I was too busy thinking of why the fuck I’m letting a stranger sleep in my bed. I honestly don’t mind getting the help, but I literally know nothing about him. For all I know, he could be a hit man hired by Big to kill me, like Eleanor said. Like I said, I usually don’t care for Eleanor’s opinions ever, but what if she’s right about this? I didn’t even get to fully interview him, or get to know him. He’s going to be feeding me, what if he poisons me? I guess I didn’t care very much? I’d be out of the drug business; I’d be out of Chicago. But, I like my life right now. Despite Eleanor and her frustrating ways, I literally live in a penthouse, I have clients everywhere, I can get pizza anytime I want, and Hercules is such an amazing dog. Other than the few let downs, I’m perfectly okay here. Speaking of Hercules, I haven't seen him at all throughout this. Where even is he?

“Where’s Herc?” I asked, thinking maybe Liam would know. Maybe with all the confusion, Liam locked Hercules up in the bathroom? I guess me saying Hercules's nickname perked his interest, because at the sudden mention of it, I heard him patting across the hardwood floor and soon enough he had his little paws on the couch, and he was licking my face, “Hey there little guy.” I said at the sight of him.

I scratched behind his ear, and looked up catching Harry staring at us, “Harry, this is Hercules, my dog. He eats everything we do, plus some dog food, and he pisses and shits many times a day. While I’m stuck on this couch, I’m gonna need you to take care of him as well.”

“Can do; I love dogs.” Harry replied, sending me a small smile. I looked back down at Hercules and continued petting him until he jumped down and met the new man who’ll be living with us for a few days or so. I turned back to the TV, and strained to make sure I didn’t turn to look at Harry bonding with my dog every few minutes or so.


	5. 005

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis tells harry a little too much about his feelings for eleanor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this is one of the more shittier chapters

**“There’s a future in my life I can’t foresee” –One Direction, _Ready to Run_**

 

* * *

 

****

“What’s your favorite color?” I awkwardly asked Harry. Today was the first of who knows how many days he’ll be helping me out. It was about twelve thirty, and Liam had left for work hours ago, and Harry and I were left alone. I had only woken up a half hour ago, but the two of us were sitting awkwardly staring at the television. I decided to break the ice, but I’m not very good at conversations or making friends for that matter.

“Favorite color? Well, I never really thought of that. I’ve always liked orange, but black’s honestly got it beat. Orange is just a horrid color to wear,” Harry replied, looking over at me. While Harry took my bed, I’d taken over the couch and despite only a couple of hours including yesterday, the floor around me was a mess of paper plates, and beer bottles. I really should be paying Harry, “What’s yours?”

“I really like red. Not like a bright red, more of a dark red.” I answered, and the awkward silence returned. The two of us turned back to the TV. Family Guy was on, one of my favorite shows at the time, but I couldn’t quite get into it. I just felt as if Harry and I should be talking, and getting to know each other; he’s going to be chilling here for a while, and I don’t think I can handle these silences.

“Um, what’s your favorite, uh food?” I asked, craning my neck to look at Harry. The way Liam and I’s living room was set up was like every average house is. One of the couches, the one I’m on, was facing the wall, in this case the balcony, so when you lie down you’re comfortably facing the television. The one that Harry was sitting on was facing the TV straight on. Between Harry’s couch and the TV was a coffee table where my now warm half finished beer sat.

“I don’t have one. My life has basically been fast food after fast food, so it’s not like I get a variety. I’ve always like a hamburger from McDonald’s though. I don’t know,” Harry answered, his brow creasing a little bit. He was sitting straight in front of the TV, but as he muted the TV, he turned sideways on the edge of the couch to face me, asking, ”What’s with all the questions suddenly? I thought Family Guy was your favorite show?”

“One of really; I enjoy Supernatural and many of the DC Comics’ TV shows. I was just thinking maybe since we’ll both be stuck here for a bit, might as well get to know each other. I don’t want to have a _complete_ stranger living in my apartment anyway. So hush up and play along, okay?” I asked, watching as Harry nodded, while rolling his eyes a tad, “I saw that. Anyway, what’s your favorite show? Cartoons are allowed.”

“I don’t really watch TV much, since I don’t really have a television. But when I was younger, I liked to watch Friends.” Harry replied, shrugging his shoulders, “I’m not going to go into much details, because you’re probably confused as fuck. Last time I had a TV, was when I was like thirteen. A lot of the jokes I never got. Anyway, when’s your birthday?”

“Fuck birthday’s man. I believe it’s the twenty fourth of December.” I stated, becoming aware of the painkillers I was taking wearing off. I hate birthday’s, way too many bad memories. I prefer to leave it alone, but Eleanor won’t. I met her when I was twenty-one, she was twenty, and when she found out my birthday and my dislike for them, she wanted to change my opinion on them forever. My twenty-second birthday wasn’t too bad, but as the years went on, my feelings on birthday’s went down just as much as my feelings for Eleanor.

“February first, of ninety-two. I’m twenty four.” Harry stated before I had the chance to ask him when his birthday was. I don’t see this talk in dates anyway. It’s not like we’ll be around to celebrate them. Hopefully we’ll be out of each other’s lives as soon as I can stand up again. It’s not that I don’t like being around people, it that’s I fucking hate being around other people. Most of the time people are just so fucking annoying. So far, Harry hasn’t gotten to that level, and I would like to keep it that way. I would like someone to have my back, but knowing me, and my history something will always fuck me over, so I'd rather not fall and get hurt for no reason.

“You’re two years younger than me,” I stated, attempting to lift myself up into a sitting position. Harry instantly got up and helped maneuver me into a more comfortable position, “Be a lad and get me more of, whatever meds you’re giving me. And while you’re there, riddle me this, what’s your favorite animal?” I watched Harry as he went into the kitchen to grab me some of the medication Liam had bought me.

“Here you go, Louis,” Harry responded giving me four Advil pills, which made the pain mostly tolerable, “This one is an easy question. Give me a harder riddle next time. My favorite animal is a koala. They’re just so cute and lovable. I feel like they'd be really soft to touch, and they'd make a great pet. What about you?”

“I personally like lions, but Herc’s got my heart y’know? He’s my favorite animal specifically. In general it’s a lion. They’re fucking cool.” I answered, swallowing my pills with a couple swigs of the warm beer on the coffee table. It tasted gross going down; I don’t know how people like their beer warm. It’s the most disgusting thing ever.

“Fucking warm beer. It’s literally gross. Holy fucking crap,” I complained, placing the bottle back on the coffee table, “You don’t like warm beer do you? Because if you do, I’m sorry but you have to leave like right now.” I was joking, but my more serious expression must of made Harry a bit on the nervous side.

“Yeah, like I’m a fucking Brit.” Harry replied after a second to think of a retort, with a slight smirk on his face. I smiled at his joke, turning to high-five him, but the pain was intense. All I know is that if this man likes his beer cold, and if keeps cracking remarks like those, I believe he could join Liam on the list of people I actually like. If I can have a good laugh with him, that’s all that matters. But maybe, just _maybe_ he could be a friend I wouldn’t have to act like me having feelings is a myth. Maybe I could finally find a person worth staying in this God forsaken city with.

For the next week that I’d been bedridden, it wasn’t all that bad. With Liam gone five out of the six days, so far, that I’ve spent on my couch, Harry and I have definitely gotten to know each other pretty well. I’m not saying we’re on some same spiritual level shit, but if I were to go out and get him an _extremely_ early birthday gift, I might be able to scrounge one up that wasn’t a gift card to store.

I tried to get him into Supernatural, but even just one episode in, we’d end up talking over what the Winchester’s were saying, making us have to rewind, and going back on Netflix is such a nuisance. Anyway, having avoiding, I’m guessing, most of our real feelings, I’d say we learned a lot about each other. Hercules definitely ended up loving Harry and would even choose to curl up with Harry over me. I even accidently let slip a bit too much about how I felt about Eleanor, literally just a moment ago. I’m very careful about how much I share, obviously.

Speaking of her, the only real downside of my week long get-to-know with Harry was that every day, Eleanor would come over for a couple hours after her work hours. Just this past June, being only twenty five, she graduated from Chicago University. She has a bachelor degree in art. A week after graduating, she was given a job under Liam, who owns a tattoo chain store thingy. I never did mind hanging out with Eleanor, we actually had a lot in common, it was just that I had to listen to her and Harry fight, and I had to break it up.

Liam would get home at around six thirty every day, and he and Harry would get to know each other that way. They didn’t have nearly as much time, but they were becoming okay friends. I had to say I was a little jealous. At least with Eleanor, I didn’t have to worry about Harry leaving me for her, but with Liam, my only friend, I was worried that Harry would like Liam better and he wouldn’t want to talk to me, and neither would Liam. It was stupid, honestly, because Harry and I were much closer.

“Wait, you don’t even like Eleanor?” Harry asked, with a genuine curiosity in his voice. After a week, my pain was fading quickly, so I was able to shrug, “Then why are you even with her? You shouldn’t be dragging her around like that. She clearly loves you.”

“It’s not just that, I have to be with her. I think we’re stepping a little too much into the personal field here. All I’m going to say is that, I love Eleanor I guess. Sure, she annoys me, but what relationship doesn’t have a little annoyance by one of their partners, right? Anyway, let’s just watch this shall we?”

“Lou, don’t force yourself onto someone,” Harry said, and I attempted to ignore him. I didn’t want to hear his speech about why I should change my daily lifestyle, “You’ve been with her for five years, and you haven’t even liked her for two and a half years at that. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not to be.” I was still trying to ignore him, but being me, I had to defend myself.

“Why should things change? Everything’s good right now. I have good friends, I’m making bank, and I have a loving girlfriend. My dog is healthy, I’m getting better. Nothing has to change, everything is perfect.” I replied, getting a bit angry. I really don’t want this chance of a new friend to go down the drain. I want a friend to be able to share this shit with, but we’ve known each other for only a week. I need to know he’s ready to handle all my crap.

“Well it already has. I came into your life.” Harry replied, and I tried, I really fucking tried to drown my anger out with admiration about how much he cares. I’ve become good at faking feelings, but when it comes to my aggravation, it never seems to wash out.

“Yeah, well you’ll be walking right out won’t you?” I snapped, crossing my arms, and completely ignoring everything around me. Even if I had my vision trained on the TV, my thoughts were racing. I want this change I do, but nothing ever does. It will always be me, Liam and Eleanor. I will never be able to get out of this everlasting cycle of anger, drugs, and forced feelings.

“Lou,” Harry stated softly. My anger completely dissolved as he called me that. Over the week, he’s been calling me Lou on different occasions and it’s so nice compared to Lou-Boo, which I hate, and a various amount of insults shot by Liam, “I know you’re listening, so I’m just gonna talk. When I get attached, I get attached. When it’s time for me to go, you know I’ll be back at your door, wanting to go out for a drink the next night. I’m only gonna stop coming when you tell me to shove it.”

“Did you ever collect Jason’s money for me? He owed it for the couple ounces of heroin he bought.” I asked completely avoiding the topic of change. Since I couldn’t get out of bed, Harry was doing a lot of my selling. I told him where to find my “farm,” and then he’d bring it to clients at their homes. He’s got a knack for selling drugs. He’s got me three more clients and brought in 700 dollars. I gave him four hundred, and kept the other three, for all his services.

“Yes I did, I put it in your safe. Look, Lou if you’re not happy with Elea-,” Harry started to say but was interrupted when the door walked in and Eleanor came in, her hair freshly dyed a magnetic blue. Mumbling Harry said, “Speak of the devil.” I cracked a small smile, as Eleanor walked into the living room.

“Hey babe, how you feeling?” Eleanor asked, giving me a kiss on the top of my head. She tuned into the kitchen and dropped her purse on my counter, and picked up a banana she’d brought over yesterday, “You didn’t eat any of the bananas I brought over? Come on they’re good for you.” Eleanor walked back into the living room and sat on the coffee table in front of me, and blocking Harry’s view from the TV.

“I could be better, but since a week ago, I feel a lot better.” I replied, and Eleanor smiled and reached for my hand. I sent her a smile, and she smiled back at me. I took a quick glance at Harry, who was staring at me with one eyebrow raised. I shot him a look telling him to fuck off. Eleanor looked between the two of us and rose her eyebrows.

“You guys have secret glances? I bet. Not being able to comprehend this walking gnat, I guess you would learn to communicate through looks.” Eleanor said, looking back at me. Then to Harry she asked, “I was wondering if I could talk to my boyfriend please? _Alone_?” Harry shrugged and got up, leaving to go into my room.

“So, Lou-Boo I was wondering, why haven’t we done anything with our relationship? We love each other, that’s a given, and the sex is great. But, we’ve been dating for five years, and the most we’ve done is go on a weekend trip with one another. You haven’t even met my parents. I was just wondering if we should even bother if we’re not going to do anything about it.” Eleanor explained, dropping my hands.

Fuck, is this her breaking up with me? I can’t let that happen. I can’t let anything change. Everything is perfect. I have to make sure this doesn’t happen. Quick at defense, I asked, “Are you breaking up with me? Why? Everything is perfect right now. Our relationship is just a bit slower than others. Its okay, it’s all good.” I couldn’t let things change, that shit’s not for me.

“No, I’m not necessarily saying that, but Louis, for me it’s not good. I love you Louis, and I wanna be with you, but I don’t want to be stuck in neutral with you. How do I know we even hold a future if we haven’t been going anywhere the past three years,” Eleanor replied, slight sadness filling her features, “I don’t want to keep masquerading as if everything is all good when I know it’s not. Just right here, right now, do you see a future with me? Marriage, even any kids?”

I sat up, ignoring my side, and grabbed her hands with one of mine, and lifting her chin with my other hand, “Of course I see a future with you,” I had to think fast, I have to make an excuse. Suddenly, I had the perfect idea, “In fact, I was gonna ask you at our fancy dinner, but I was stabbed. I was gonna ask if you wanted to move in with me?”

Eleanor’s eyes widened, and her face lit up with happiness, “Really? I thought we were going nowhere. Of course I’ll move in with you. It may be crowded for a bit, but Harry’ll leave soon. This is great Louis. I’ll go home right now and start packing. God I love you.” Eleanor said, smiling hugely at me. She leaned down and kissed me quick, and then she skipped out grabbing her purse on the way. Well, I got her to not break up with me.

Smiling at myself, I told Harry he could come back in. Harry rejoined me in the living room, sitting on the couch, “What happened? Did you break up with her?” Harry asked at the sight of my smile. I shook my head no, suddenly very happy with what had just gone down, and how I still don’t have to change my lifestyle.

“Even better; she’s moving in with Liam and I. It’ll be a little crowded at first, but the apartments big enough for all four of us for now.” I stated, and as if my grade A idea just circulated my brain for the first time, my smile dropped at the sudden realization. _Fuck_. I’m really fucking stupid, “Well fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Harry and Louis were born in '92 and '94, but for this book I needed them to be a bit older. I just wanted to say thet before there was any confusion.
> 
> Sorry for short chapters though.


	6. 006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis and harry dance together

**“Think that cupid’s up to something” –Kat Dahlia, _I Think I’m in Love_**

 

* * *

 

****

It’s been nine days since Harry stabbed me, and I’m feeling absolutely fine. It’s healed great, and Eleanor was able to get my “stitches” out. Eleanor was helping me stand up after removing the stitches. As Eleanor pulled me up, Harry moved to the other side and pushed me up by my back, “Ooh, my legs feel like spaghetti.”

Harry started to laugh, and I turned my head to look at him. Seeing him laughing, made me genuinely smile myself at him. I turned back to Eleanor who was still steadying me. The two of them let me go, and even though I’ve been sitting for more than a week, I could still use my legs just fine. I’ve used them for twenty-six years; one week wouldn’t have killed them.

“Well, thanks guys for helping me walk again, like I’m some fucking child.” I said, after Eleanor made me walk around a little bit. The first thing I did, I have to admit, was get a beer. I looked at Eleanor as she playfully rolled her eyes. I mimicked her, with a smirk on my face. Eleanor sent me a small smile, as I opened my beer and began to drink out of it.

“Okay, I’m going out to have dinner with one of my friends. Do you want to come Lou-Boo? You probably shouldn’t. You have to make sure Harry doesn’t steal anything,” Eleanor hummed, grabbing her purse from the coffee table, “I’ll see you later babe.” As of that Eleanor left the apartment, and I turned towards Harry, sighing quietly.

“Again, I’m sorry for her. She still doesn’t quite trust you? Even though it’s been over a week and you obviously haven’t tried anything,” I stated, leaning on the counter to finish my beer. Harry went into the fridge and got a beer himself. He leaned on the counter opposite of me, so we were facing each other, “Also, thank you, for everything these past few days.”

“Don’t mention in. Besides, I should thank you. You kept me hidden from Big.” Harry replied, and I remembered just a couple of days when Clamp and Bulldog tried to buzz in, but I never let them in. They were making all kinds of threats, but I stopped listening to their bullshit. All I did was tell them to fuck off, and with one last threat they were gone. If I’m being honest, I was actually kind of worried they’d follow through on their threats. They were mostly death threats, since Harry obviously failed his job. The one that got to me the most was Bulldog telling me he was going to buy a gun and snipe me from one of the buildings across the street.

“I have an idea,” I stated, perking Harry’s interests. He encouraged me to go on, and I continued, “Let’s go to a club, yeah? We have a lot to drink to: me getting better, Eleanor being gone for a few hours and Big has left you alone for a solid four days. Besides, I think I’m out of beer, and it would be nice to get out if this stuffy apartment.” I finished off my beer and placed the empty bottle on the counter.

Harry mulled the idea over, and as he answered me, a smirk was plastered on his face, “I don’t know, do you really want to go with someone who could possible, maybe kill you?” I shot him a look, trying to act like I was offended and angry, but in reality I wanted to laugh my ass off. For the time that I’ve gotten to know Harry, he’s never failed to make me smile. He’s so fucking chill and really funny. When I hang out with him, I never feel angry or annoyed or anything but tranquility.

It’s so amazing to be able to talk to someone without feeling pressured to always, _always_ act happy when I’m not. With Eleanor, it’s like I’m controlling a puppet to satisfy Eleanor, but I’m also the puppet. It’s so tiring to have to go day to day acting happy when I’m just angry and unsatisfied. I want to let go of her, I’m so sick of pretending. I can’t stand the way my life has fallen, and I have no choice but to keep acting. With Harry, it’s _so_ different. It’s like I can actually act like my true self; there’s no hiding, there’re no fake laughs or happiness. I’m really just in peace when Harry’s around. Not even Liam can make me feel at peace, because with him all it is, is more acting, more fake, more anger. I love Liam like a brother, but I can’t talk to him like normal friends. I have to make sure I approve his idea and Eleanor’s at the same time. I can let that all go when Harry and I talk and joke around. It’s refreshing.

“Well, I’ll just have to keep an eye out then, huh?” I joked along, “But if you’re down—and promise to not murder me—I’m down.” I shrugged at Harry as he rotated his empty beer bottle in his hand. If he says no, I’m going anyway honestly, because I’m up for some dancing, drinking and a hangover in the morning. I was up for escape, and I don’t go to clubs anymore, mostly because Eleanor and I do stuff together. I think she’s also a little worried I’ll cheat on her, which is totally normal, but also kind of a constant reminder that she doesn’t one hundred percent trust me. But, what can I do? You can’t win every battle.

“Yeah, let’s go. I love the club Blu. The DJ’s are always amazing, and they serve the most amazing beer. They make their own, and it’s literally my favorite. Plus, the bartenders are really fucking chill. We even go out once or twice a month to talk and stuff.” Harry answered, pushing himself off the counter. He threw our bottles in a bin he picked up for our recyclables. When he came back to the apartment with it, I remember laughing my ass off and telling him Liam and I would never use it. I was right, obviously. Harry recycles whatever he can get his hands on. It’s not like I don’t support recycling, I do what I can to protect the environment, but both Liam and I are lazy pieces of shit, who kind of just stir in their own filth until Eleanor yells at us and cleans for us. I thank her with flowers, chocolates and sexual activities.

“I’ve been like once with Eleanor, but we ended up leaving early so we could go fuck. This was in our early days when I actually liked sex with her, so I mean.” I stopped talking, shrugging for full effect. Harry smirked at me, as we made our way out the apartment. Harry opened the door for me, and I thanked him while walking out of the room. I’m really excited to hit up this club. It’s been years since I could properly party, and it’s going to be great to go out with Harry. I’ve been locked up in my own apartment for more than a week, so to go clubbing with my new friend, and see what he’s like when he’s piss drunk.

“Can’t wait to see you when you’re drunk as shit,” I said, once we were outside in the cooling July evening. Harry nudged my shoulder, rolling his eyes, telling me to fuck off. As we were walking to Blu, I turned to Harry and ask, “So, you plan on going home with someone? Gonna fuck it up?”

“I don’t really do that. I’m not a one night stand kinda guy. Too many things could go wrong: STDs, pregnancies.” Harry answered shaking his head. I was expecting him to joke around back, but when he didn’t, it caught me off guard. I guess I’m not used to the whole seriousness of the whole friendship ordeal. All I’ve ever known is the insults and making fun of each other kind of friendship. I’ll have to get used to the talks friends should have.

“I know that, but sex is fun and enjoyable. If you have a condom, what could really go wrong, y’know? You fuck a woman, blow your load, and sleep the beer away. I loved one night stands and drowning myself in beer.” I replied as we waited for walk sign. When it lit up, Harry and I crossed the street, making sure to get to the other side before the do not walk sign lit up. I just want to joke around again. I guess I’m a hypocrite since I wanted a friend to talk with, but Liam and I throw insults while Harry and I joke around about everything, which is nice. I wanted someone to talk to, and I still do, but I’m not ready for this type of deep shit. I just met the guy. Well fucking shit, I guess we’re doing this.

“Yeah it’s so enjoyable when you don’t even remember it. Oh, and you wake up with a major hangover the next day. One night stands are so fucking enjoyable,” Harry replied, looking at the floor as we walked. After much debate, I awkwardly put my hand on his shoulder and tapped it a little bit, avoiding his gaze, “What the fuck are you doing? Don’t touch me with your greasy hand.” I laughed and dropped my hand as Blu came into our sights.

“Not as greasy as your long hair.” I said, shrugging my shoulders as the two of us approached the club. There was a little bit of a line, but since it was only five-thirty, and Blu’s open from five p.m to five a.m, there wasn’t much of a line yet. It only took us two minutes to get in. It was a bit of a hassle for Harry to get out his ID, since he stumbled to get out his wallet to show his driver’s license. I laughed at him as we got in the club, and he just pushed me away, shaking his head at me with a small smile on his face.

Since it wasn’t even late yet, there wasn’t much people in, but as the hours passed and midnight ticked by the club filled up more and more, while Harry and I drunk our problems—whatever they may be—away. Harry got drunk before I did, and by ten he was drunk as fuck. I had just caught up to him, at one thirty. I got many calls from Eleanor, and I eventually just shut my phone off. Harry had been dancing with a girl, Isabella I believe, but he met up with me at a bar, slurring his words and laughing at everything.

“Hey Lou, Louis, that Elizabeth is a really good dance, dancer,” It took Harry a while to figure out the last word, but he eventually spit it out. I ended up laughing at him, and Harry just gave me a confused look. After about a solid five seconds of confusion, he began laughing his ass off. Suddenly he stopped short and said, “Stop making fun of me.” I rolled my eyes at him and flipped him off, while turning to the bartender, ordering a shot of vodka, one of my personal favorites.

The bartender passed me my order and I turn to Harry, and attempt to say, “So, are you gonna take that Eliza chick home? You two seemed to hit it off. She seems pretty fuckable too.” I stuttered, trying to speak clearly, but it was rendered useless. Of course, I didn’t try much anyway; I knew it was pretty much impossible.

“Nah man, I _told you_ I don’t like one, one night stands. Why do you keep bothering me about it? You already asked me about it.” Harry whined, his eyes filling with tears. He plopped down on the bar stool next to me, rubbing his eyes. I began to pout since Harry wouldn’t answer me, and he rolled his eyes that were now dry.

“Come on, tell me. I can keep a secret. I’ve kept millions of Liam and Eleanor’s. I can keep yours. I’m trustworthy. I’m also drunk, I won’t remember in the morning.” I shrugged, and turned to the bartender, wanting another shot. As the bartender was preparing my next drink, I continue to pout at Harry. He poked my bottom lip, and we both started laughing, while leaning into each other.

“Fine, fine I’ll tell you,” Harry started, before he ordered a glass of whiskey. I leaned in eagerly to know why he was against one night stands. When the bartender gave him his whiskey, he downed it in less than a minute and turned to me, “One time when I was younger, I fucked this chick, and like a TV sitcom I ended up getting her pregnant. I was scared as shit, but I wasn’t going to leave her alone. She ended up having a miscarriage, and it took me awhile to get over it. She overdosed by the way, because of the sadness, on purpose. I tried to be there for her, but it wasn’t enough. It took me a while to move on, but I never wanted to fuck another girl again and leave the next morning. Too much shit cold go wrong.”

I was not expecting that. I honestly thought it was just something about how he doesn’t like treating girls like objects, which honestly every man should learn to do. I didn’t know he had to experience something as horrible, and life changing as that. Since he didn’t say his age, I have no fucking clue how old he was, but if it’s been years since it happened and at least a couple months for the pregnancies, I could only imagine him being eighteen, maybe even nineteen.

Since I was highly drunk, and had no control over what came out of my mouth, I said, “Man that’s gotta suck. Is she doing okay now though?” Harry shot me a look, and what I said registered in my head, and my jaw dropped, “Oh my God, I’m so fucking sorry. I had no clue what I was saying, I’m sorry.”

“You’re drunk. I’m drunk. It’s all good. Anyway, Louis, we’ve been here for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and you have not been dancing. C’mon, it’s time for you to get off your lazy ass and dance. You can dance with me! I’m a great dancer, you know. I’m very good. I’m basically a pro.” Harry blabbed on, shaking his hand around trying to explain things more efficiently. I started to shake my head. I wasn’t much of a dancer. I kind of always just let people grind on me, and I swayed my hips.

The bartender gave me my shot, and somehow Harry had dragged me off my barstool. I drowned my vodka and slammed it on the counter while simultaneously falling into the dance floor by Harry’s will. I groaned, but it was drowned out by the sound of the music being played. It was way too loud, and the bass was turned up all the way, so I didn’t even know what song was playing. All I knew was it was a sick beat, something I could really grind to, Harry dragged me to the middle of the dance floor, and grabbed some random chick and began dancing with her. A woman began to dance with me, and I felt the music and danced with her. I was too drunk to even talk to her. As time flew by, Harry and I had left the woman we we’re dancing with, and danced together. His face was so close to mine, I could smell the whiskey left on his breath. I’m sure my breath doesn’t smell too pure either. Sometimes women would get between us, but one way or another Harry and I always ended up together. Sometimes we were facing each other, other times it was back to front. Mostly though, I had no clue if I had my back against him or vice versa. All I know was that I was not going to remember this in the morning, so why the fuck should I care what the fuck I do right now?

It was almost five when Harry and I started to head out, my pants tight as ever, and if I remember glancing at, Harry’s was too. We made the trip as safe as ever. I honestly was very worried we would get ourselves killed because of how drunk we were. Just because we danced the whole way through didn’t mean the drinks didn’t stop. But, the two of us made it to my apartment and none of us were killed or stopped by any of Big’s gang.

Once we arrived at the door to my apartment, it took me a while to figure out how to put the key into the keyhole, but I did. When I opened the door finally, I was greeted with a fuming Eleanor leaning on the back of my couch, her eyebrows raised and everything. I turn to Harry and then to Eleanor with a finger to my lips whisper screaming saying, “Shh! Don’t tell Eleanor I’m drunk.” I turn back to Harry and start laughing, tripping over the weight of myself backwards. Harry grabbed me and steadied me while laughing himself.

“She’s right over there.” Harry whispered in my ear, and I nodded laughing a little bit. I tried to wipe the drunkenness from my features and sauntered my way over to Eleanor, and when I tried multitask, I ended up tripping into the couch and Eleanor, but she moved just in time.

“Louis, what the fuck? You’re out of bed for one day and you’re already clubbing? You never took any of my calls, I was worried about you. And you come home, drunk as fuck, with an erection, too. Who knows what you did at that club. You won’t even remember it,” Eleanor stated, “You know what, forget it. We’ll have this conversation when you’re not drunk. You can sleep out here on the couch with your new boyfriend.” Eleanor left the couch shaking her head, and I believe wiping her eyes a little bit.

I waved my hand at her, and fell over the back of the couch. My feet were hanging off the end of the couch, but I didn’t make any moves to fix myself. All I did was fall asleep, already dreading the hangover that’ll come knocking on my door tomorrow. But, fuck it. I had a good time tonight, and I’ll deal with the aftermath tomorrow. I already knew what I signed up for when I suggested the idea, so I really don’t give a fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [update]
> 
> I have updated the club part. it's not at all any better and I apologize for the garbage that is my writing.


	7. 007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where louis kills harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [unedited]

**“I’ll be your number one with a bullet, a loaded God complex, cock it and pull it” –Fall Out Boy, _Sugar, We’re Going Down_**

 

* * *

 

****

I was at a concert, waiting for the main attraction to appear on stage in some section hundreds of feet away from the stage. I didn’t know who I was about to see, or how I got here, but I was and I planned to enjoy it, whoever it may be. The lights went down, and a spotlight fell on the drummer. The crowd was silent as he hammered down on the only drum in front of him, which was a little strange. Suddenly a red light hit the lead singer, and she spoke one word, “Louis.” Confused, I looked around the venue, noticing no one else was in the stadium. I turn back to the singer and as if I was always there, I was only three rows from the stage. The singer walked right to the end of the stage in front of me, and removed her hood, revealing Eleanor herself. The banging of the drum intensified, until a falling sensation took over my body.

I woke up from the impact of my body hitting the floor. I groaned on instinct, before realizing that was a major mistake. My head was pounding, which sounded exactly like the drum from my dream. I rubbed my head, staring at the floor for a few seconds. I pushed myself into a sitting position, looking up at Eleanor and her annoyed face. She crossed her arms, waiting for me to explain myself. After a few seconds of thinking over things, about how tired and hungry I was, and how my stomach hurts now from the fall, I pulled myself up and took a spot on the couch I was just sleeping peacefully on

“What do you have to say for yourself Louis Tomlinson?” Eleanor spoke, annoyance dripping from every word she spoke. Sighing, I rolled my eyes, and stood up, ignoring my head screaming at me to stop moving.

“What do you want me to say, Eleanor Sparks? That I’m not entitled to my own life anymore because I’m dating you? That I’m sorry? What?” I answered, raising my voice despite it being the worst decision I could have ever made. Eleanor dropped her crossed arms, and sighed, looking at the carpet. She shook her head and looked up at me, holding her anger down.

“I want you to tell me where you are when you go out. Our relationship is supposed to be built on trust, and I do trust you, but when you’re drunk and horny, who knows what you’ll do? I just,” Eleanor trailed off, running a hand through her hair, “I was worried about you, and you have the audacity to not answer any of my calls.”

“No El, you were worried I would cheat on you because of what happened with Tyler. Don’t give me that “trust” bullshit, because it’s clear you don’t trust me. I’m just some dog you have to watch over, right? And when you’re lonely you can have something to play with.” I yelled, not caring about waking Harry, who was still sound asleep on the couch next to me. Eleanor gasped a little, and clenched her fists. In one motion, she raised her hand and slapped me across the cheek. It only stung a little, but it intensified my headache by, well a thousand to say the least.

“Fuck you Louis! Of course you’re not a dog to me! Why the fuck would you say that?” Eleanor yelled back. Suddenly she lowered her voice, and continued, “Look, I’m sorry for accusing you of something someone did years back. I guess I’m just scared you’ll do it, because he did it. I’m sorry for slapping you that was unnecessary. But I was worried about you. Last time you went out clubbing, you almost got killed. Matter of fact, the last time you were outside you were stabbed. I just, didn’t want anything to happen to you. You weren’t answering my calls.”

“I don’t fucking care.” I spat, leaving the room and entering my bedroom, locking the door behind me. I sat on my bed, eventually falling onto it. How fucking dare Eleanor try to give me crap about trust and worrisome. How can she say she trusts me, when she’s worried I’d cheat on her? That’s not what trust is. I can’t believe Eleanor, right now. She always tries to control every aspect of my life. Just, fuck her.

There was a light tapping at the door, and I yelled at Eleanor to leave me alone, but it was Harry who spoke up, asking to come in. I debated for a while, because I really didn’t want to see him, or anyone really. I wanted to be alone for a while, and let my anger dissolve. Despite everything I wanted, I got up and let him in, not seeing Eleanor behind 0him or in the apartment at all.

“Eleanor left to go cool off,” Harry stated, leaning against the doorframe. I left my bedroom door open and made my way back to my bed to lie down. I heard the door close and soon the bed dipped down. I turned my head to look at Harry who was sitting on my bed, looking out towards the window. After about a minute of silence, he spoke up, not turning his head from the window, “If you hate the way she treats you, or her in general, why don’t you end it?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I answered immediately, closing my eyes, hoping it would tell Harry to fuck off.

“Okay, okay. We won’t talk about it,” Harry stated, as the bed shifted a little bit, “Do you remember how many shots of vodka you had? I’m pretty sure it was a new record.” I scoffed a little bit and opened my eyes staring at him.

“How can you even remember? You were drunk as fuck.” I stated, and Harry laughed a little bit.

“Well when you drink almost forty shots, I guess it’s just something you remember drunk or sober.” Harry answered. Silence fell over the two of us, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice, where we could be alone with our thoughts, just together in the same room. I would kill to know what he’s thinking. We’ve only talked about it twice, but I’m pretty certain on his opinion of Eleanor and I. I honestly don’t get why he cares so much. It’s not his relationship, it doesn’t affect him. The only one who’s hurting is me, and that shouldn’t matter to him. We only met a little over a week ago. I just don’t know why he cares so much about Eleanor and I’s relationship. It’s not hurting him.

After a long silence, I decide to ask him, “Why do you care so much about Eleanor and I’s relationship? It doesn’t hurt you at all.” I sat up, and after a long time resting, my headache came rushing back to me, and I groaned, holding my head in my hands. With all the arguing and me being petty, I never got aspirin.

“Let me go get you some Advil.” Harry said, excusing himself and leaving my room. I eagerly awaited his return. Not only do I want the Advil, but I want to know his answer. Harry returned with a glass of water with two ice cubes and the bottle of aspirin. He handed me the bottle and put the water on my nightstand. I opened the bottle and took out three. I popped all of them into my mouth, and went to grab the water, but Harry handed it to me. I swallowed the aspirin in one gulp, but chugged the water anyway.

“Did you know you have left over Chinese food in the refrigerator?” Harry asked once I finished my water, and placed the cup on the floor, instead of on my nightstand. I shrugged at him, and he gave me a disgusted look, “You haven’t had Chinese at all when I was here.” I scrunched my nose up at the realization and stared at the floor.

“Yeah, Liam and I got Chinese instead of pizza one day, and we didn’t finish it. I guess I forgot about it or something.” I answered, shrugging once again. Once I realized what Harry did, I punched him in the shoulder. Not as like a beating, but as a friendly friend punch thing. Harry furrowed his eyebrows at me, before nudging his shoulder against mine, “Why’d you change the subject? Harry, come on. Just fucking tell me why you’re so goddamn nosy.”

Shrugging Harry replied, “I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I don’t like seeing people unhappy, unless they’ve deserved it, and you don’t Lou. Anyway, I know being with Eleanor makes you unhappy, and I want what’s best for you.” I looked at Harry, who was staring at his hands, which were picking at a loose thread on his jeans. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. Out of the twenty-six years of hell that has been my life, no one has ever said something even remotely close to that. I know it’s not as special as an “I love you,” and he didn’t even say he cared about me, but he implied that. All my life, I never felt like someone could care about me, and here Harry was, sitting all flustered like, because he cared about me. I have to admit, I’m a bit flustered myself.

“I’ve, I’ve never had someone ever really express any care for me. That actually means a lot. Thanks?” I said, but it came out as more of a question. Harry chuckled a bit, and looked up at me. His smile faded a little bit, but the corners of his mouth were still raised.

“I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to express their care twenty-four seven,” Harry replied, raising an eyebrow at me as a smirk took over his face. I scoffed a little, and pushed his shoulder slightly before catching his gaze, “I’m serious! It’s very hard not to care for you. Well, actually, people probably just couldn’t see you since you’re so tiny.”

“Hey! I’m big, too!” I defended, fake pouting, and crossing my arms across my chest. Harry laughed, while patting my head. I flicked his arm away, and turned my back to him, jokingly of course. I really wasn’t upset with him, since I knew it was a joke. He just wanted to lighten the mood after our very deep talk.

“You’re about as big as an um, baby penguin.” Harry replied, poking me in my back. I mocked him in a high-pitched voice.

“At least I’m not some giraffe.” I shot back, forcing a smile from my lips, and a laugh to escape me.

“Oh! Hitting me where it hurts!” Harry dramatically exclaimed, falling onto the bed. I turn back around to see him clutching his chest over his heart and his face scrunched up. Suddenly, his arms fell to his sides and Harry’s tongue darted out of his mouth as he “stopped” breathing.

Not wanting his little dramatic game to end, I shouted, “Oh no! Harry! My awesome and amazing comebacks were just too much for you! Now you’ve suffered a heart attack, and all because of me. I must hide the body. I can’t let them convict me. I’m too young and pretty to go to jail! I’ll throw his body in international waters. I’ll run away to Canada. I can get away with this.” In the midst of my reaction to Harry’s death, I noticed he was starting to chuckle a little bit, but I continued anyway. It could be a bad, low-budget soap opera then. One with “death,” horrible acting, and seventies graphics. It would be the perfect career.

“Stop murderer!” Harry yelled, sitting him, and literally scaring me half to death. I jumped off the bed, and put my hands to my heart, as my breath grew rapidly. Hopefully he thought I was still acting, “I’m still alive, you apple-picking lowlife!” After that sudden proclamation, and insult, I couldn’t handle the acting anymore. I burst into laughter, and had to hold my stomach, because it began to hurt.

“Apple-picking lowlife? What kinda fucking insult is that? I don’t even pick apples! I don’t _like_ apples.” I asked, once my laughter decreased. Harry, who had joined me well before I asked, shrugged and shook his head slightly.

“It was the first thing I thought of honestly. And why did you break our episode?” Harry countered, crossing his arms, looking slightly offended. Of course he was just selling the bait. I pulled any form of happiness from my face, and mocked him, only with a bigger pout then he was showing.

“I didn’t mean to. You just can’t come up with good comebacks.” I stated, glaring at Harry. He threw his arms up, and let out a sigh. I was about to laugh, but I continued to pout so our “fight” was more authentic.

“Ah yes, because calling me a giraffe was _so original_. Face it Lou, your insults suck just as much,” Harry stated, throwing himself on my bed and lying on his side. I shot him a death glare, and he burst into laughter, “You look like a little bird trying to look big and scary but come off looking adorably cute.”

Before I could shoot a retort, there was a knock on my bedroom door, and both Harry and I turned to see who our intruder was. Shocked to find Eleanor standing there, she looked over at me. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy, and I felt a twitch of guilt run throughout me, “Can we talk Louis? Um, alone?”

I turn to Harry, and he gave me a look, and I read it as “break up with her,” but it totally could have been something else right? More like “change is bad, forgive her and forget.” I think the ladder is correct. I’ll go with that one. Satisfied with my decision, I turned to Eleanor and nodded.

I followed Eleanor into my living room, closing my bedroom door behind me. I sat on the opposite couch as her, and after a few seconds she began to talk, “Look, hun, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have minor trust issues when it comes to guys. I’m sorry I thought you would cheat when I know you would never do anything to hurt me. I’m sorry for not putting my faith in you, and saying that a relationship needed trust, when I clearly didn’t have any.”

“It’s okay, really. I understand. If I had to go through something like with what happened to you with Tyler, I wouldn’t exactly trust the next person I dated,” I answered, and after a few seconds of thinking of what Harry said, I decided to say fuck it. As flattered as I was that he cared, my relationship is not his problem, “I’m sorry, too Eleanor. I should’ve told you where I was, that wasn’t fair to you. And what I said earlier, I didn’t mean it. I was just angry at you. I’m sorry for everything.”

I got out of my spot, and sat next to hers, wrapping my arm around her. Eleanor rested her head on my shoulder and sighed. I rubbed her shoulder and upper arm to calm her down. This moment is what I’ve been talking about. I always never minded hanging out with Eleanor, in our peaceful moments. Although those were always times where she didn’t really talk. I like being around her, but I can’t stand her opinions and how she passively aggressively shoves them down everyone’s throats. I guess it was just something I’m gonna have to get used to, because she’s not going anywhere.

For the next few days, Harry and I talked very rarely. We would have small talks sometimes, but he mostly just ate and watched TV. I would join him, but it was always crappy shows on Netflix, because he does not have any good taste in shows. Like at all. It’s quite frustrating really. I try to take the remote to show him some great shows, but he would always just tell me he was fine watching the shows he was watching.

About a week after Eleanor and I’s argument, Harry paused Netflix and turned to me. Captivated by the idiocy of the show Harry liked, I turned to scold him for pausing it, but Harry started to talk, “Look I don’t like it here. It’s not you, I just can’t stand Eleanor and her constant judgment. I’ve been here for almost three weeks, and I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to leave, but I can’t because Big’s still on my trail.”

I sighed and thought back to the many threats that came throughout this week. I always told them to fuck off, and they always cursed me out. I didn’t really care for their empty threats, or on the outside that is. I always played like I didn’t believe them, but in Chicago, anything could happen. Eleanor, being her very caring self, believed the threats herself, so for the whole week, the blinds on all the windows have been closed, and she made sure we stayed away from the windows as best we could, in case they decided to snipe Harry or me. They know we’re in here, there’s no changing that, but with the blinds closed they couldn’t see in our apartment. Because of that, they couldn’t shoot us since they didn’t know where we were.

“Alright tell you what, I’ll talk to him, okay? I’ll get you out of my stuffy apartment. I’ll make a deal with Big. But I can’t go outside, or I’ll be shot. Next time they come by to make death threats I’ll compromise with them.” I suggested, turning back to the TV, hoping to get Harry to play the television.

Harry pressed play, but we were interrupted by the door to my apartment busting open. In walked in a few of Big’s gang followed by Clamps and Bulldog with guns pointed at Harry and I. They filled my apartment and circled around the two of us. I’m playing cool on the outside, but on the inside I was scared shitless. I didn’t want to fucking die! I didn’t want Harry to die.

When the eight or so of Big’s gang formed a perfect circle around us, Big walked in, holding a gun at his side. He stood in front of me, his back towards the door. I cross my arms, and hear a bunch of gun’s cock, ready to shoot me and Harry down. Most of Big’s wounds seemed to heal, but he walked with a limp and his nose was a bit crooked. After a few, scarring seconds, Big finally spoke up, “Louis, you’ve been such a gracious dealer. But, I’m afraid you’ve broken my trust.”

“You’re such fucking bullshit, Big. I had the best reason in the world to run your druggie ass into the ground. You’re the one who broke our ‘trust’ first of all, when you gave me your fucking counterfeit money. You’re lucky I didn’t kill you! This is on you.”

“Yeah, just like your death,” Big retorted, “Okay boys you know what to do.” In that split second, my life flashed before my eyes. I know I could get out of this, but it was like I was frozen. I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want Harry to die, so just before Big turned away, I did what I had to do.

“Wait, Big! I’m willing to make a deal with you.” I had to do this, because I didn’t want to be on the run from him and his gang forever, and Harry didn’t deserve to either. He was a good guy, and he cared for people. He deserved to live his life. No matter how gang filled it is.

“Listening.” Big gravely replied, looking at Harry.

“I’ll continue to give you drugs.” I said, getting angry at myself. I knew it wasn’t going to be enough, so here I was getting ready to sacrifice almost half of my pay for my life. Almost seemed better to let them pull the trigger. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew I was doing it for Harry.

“I already have a new dealer. How is this any better?” Big replied dryly, turning his back on us, ready to forget my bargain and hear Harry and I die.

“For mine and Harry’s life, I’ll deal you drugs for free. Just you or your whole gang. It’s up to you.” I stated, glaring at the back of Big’s head determined to make this possible.

“And I’m out of your gang. I don’t want in anymore.” Harry spoke up, in a confident tone. I turned to look at him, who’s fists were clenched and his face was the epitome of determination.

“H,” Big stated, whipping around to look at him. He walked straight up to Harry and put his hands on Harry’s shoulders, “You’re like the disobedient son I’ve never had? Why would I let you go, hm?”

“Well if you were willing to kill me, you won’t mind if I leave the gang anyway.” Harry replied, looking visibly uncomfortable with Big touching him. Who wouldn’t be though? This man has more blood on his hands, more drugs in his system, and more people working for him than anyone in Chicago. I always held the upper hand because I was stronger than him, alone that is. When dealing with his whole gang, I was always the one making exceptions for him. His whole gang is drug central, so one on one I could beat any of them up. Altogether though, my one gun against his army of guns would not make a difference to them.

“True.,” Suddenly, Big turned to me, a frown on his face. Walking over to me, he contiued “I’ve decided, since getting your drugs free would I think could substitute well for the absence you’re your two’s blood is the best case scenario. You are one of the best dealers. If you added a bit more to your collection of special ingredients, you definitely could be the best. However, you still beat me to a pulp, and cut me off. As for Harry, he failed to obey me. So, I think it’s only fair to cut your salary in half. Free drugs for the whole gang. As for Harry, well, how could I let him off the hook with nothing to offer?”

“I’m offering for him.” I stated, sick of this whole ordeal. I want him gone.

“Now you just said his life.” Big said, pointing the barrel of the gun right to the middle of my chest.

“I changed it. It’s just a simple, extra little step.” I replied, biting my lip slightly, hoping he’ll take it and go. Big nodded a little and pulled the trigger. I felt my stomach drop, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. I heard Big’s laughter as he put a hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll take it.” He began to make his way out of my apartment, looking down at my chest, seeing no wound or blood. Realizing the gun was empty the whole entire time, I collapsed onto the couch, but only my torso had made it. As I kneeled on the ground, my body resting on the couch, the rest of Big’s gang followed suit laughing their asses off. I took a few deep breaths before I realized when Big pulled the trigger, no sound went off at all. I guess my mind hadn’t registered that until now.

“Thanks Lou,” Harry spoke suddenly by my side with a hand on my back. I turned to look at him and smiled at him slightly, “I really mean it Louis. Thank you. Thank you so much.” Suddenly, Harry wrapped his arms around my torso, laying his forehead on my shoulder. I turned my body, that was still being hugged, and copied Harry’s actions. We stayed like that for only a few seconds, before Harry pulled away, his eyes slightly watered. I chose to ignore it, and made a suggestion instead.

“Let’s go out, yeah? For dinner. My treat.” I smiled slightly at Harry, and he nodded letting a little laugh out.

“You just quite literally saved my life. Let me pay.” Harry replied, standing up from the floor. I stood up as well, and rose an eyebrow at him.

“With what money?” I asked, genuinely curious. Harry doesn’t even have a job. Not that I have a legal, in-the-system job either.

“The money you paid me for helping you out.” Harry replied, and I nodded, letting him know he could pay. He obviously wasn’t, because that was money that I gave him so he could start a life outside of gangs. Get a job, an apartment, fall in love. I wasn’t going to let him pay, but I would certainly let him think he was paying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, I haven't been in a writing mood for a bit


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